Should We Require Children to Be Thankful?

We Must Teach our Children to Be Thankful!

Writing Assignment in Lori Despain's Writing Class Last Week

Just Before the Turkey Trot at Mortensen Elementary School Last Week

Did you know that there are opposing views out there?

It is hard to believe that there is a field of thought that the practice of encouraging our children to be thankful is (in some way) not validating their independence and autonomy over their lives.   Check out this quote:

"Turns out that not all people benefit from some gratitude practices. Having adolescents simply keep lists of things that they are thankful for doesn't always increase their happiness and well-being in the ways that we would expect, based on the adult gratitude research. Why?"

"Many young teens are at that stage in their development where they are grasping for independence. So doing something that reminds them of how dependent they are on others, as gratitude practices can, might threaten their perception that they're independent beings, liberating themselves from mom and dad."  (*See reference below).

I am on the opposite side of this debate.  After 36 years of working and learning in an elementary school I can tell you this:

Not only CAN gratitude be taught, it MUST be taught.

Here is some interesting research about the benefits of being grateful:

Be thankful: Science says gratitude is good for your health - The Today Show (November 26, 2015)

By Lauren Dunn

If you need one more reason to be thankful, here it is. More and more researchers are finding that gratitude doesn’t just make you feel like a better person, it’s actually good for your health.

“Clinical trials indicate that the practice of gratitude can have dramatic and lasting effects in a person’s life,” said Robert A. Emmons, professor of psychology at UC Davis. “It can lower blood pressure, improve immune function and facilitate more efficient sleep.”

One recent study from the University of California San Diego’s School of Medicine found that people who were more grateful actually had better heart health, specifically less inflammation and healthier heart rhythms.

“They showed a better well-being, a less depressed mood, less fatigue and they slept better,” said the study’s author, Paul J. Mills. “When I am more grateful, I feel more connected with myself and with my environment. That’s the opposite of what stress does.”

Another study found that gratitude can boost your immune system. Researchers at the universities of Utah and Kentucky observed that stressed-out law students who characterized themselves as optimistic actually had more disease-fighting cells in their bodies.

But Emmons said there’s even more evidence.

People who keep a gratitude journal have a reduced dietary fat intake — as much as 25 percent lower. Stress hormones like cortisol are 23 percent lower in grateful people. And having a daily gratitude practice could actually reduce the effects of aging to the brain.

Being thankful has such a profound effect because of the feelings that go along with it, Emmons said.

“Gratitude works because, as a way of perceiving and interpreting life, it recruits other positive emotions that have direct physical benefits, most likely through the immune system or endocrine system.”

Research shows that when we think about what we appreciate, the parasympathetic or calming part of the nervous system is triggered and that can have protective benefits on the body, including decreasing cortisol levels and perhaps increasing oxytocin, the bonding hormone involved in relationships that make us feel so good.

But if you’re still not feeling the love, experts say gratitude is something you can learn.

“Some people may not be grateful by nature but it is a habit you can get accustomed to,” said Dr. Norman Rosenthal, a psychiatrist and author of “Winter Blues.”

“One very good way is being aware of comparing up. It’s a formula for unhappiness because you can always find a person who is more advantaged than you are.”

Mills says all you have to do is think about being grateful and you’ll become more grateful.

A good way to do that is by journaling.

“Some people say they don’t have anything to be grateful for,” Mills said. “If you ask such a person to find one little thing to be grateful for and focus on that, you find over time that the feeling of gratitude can transform the way they see their lives.”

Lori Despain, teacher at Mortensen Elementary in Littleton, Colorado believes that teaching gratitude is just part of what she does as a teacher.  She may not have specific lessons that teach gratitude, but it is enveloped into the establishment of a positive learning community in her classroom.  Lori has served on the Positive Behavior Interventions and Support committee at our school for around 13 years.  She has been instrumental in the development and maintenance of our school-wide Bulldog Behavior Expectations Plan that has evolved over the course of time.  We now enjoy an environment where respect, responsibility, and preparedness are just part of our culture.

Are we perfect?  No, but I can tell you that I have worked in and been in other schools where disrespect seemed the norm, instead. 

Gratitude is a great equalizer to disrespect.  

A child (or adult, for that matter) who is grateful finds less time to feel angry and irreverent toward his/her peers and community.

Here are some excellent examples of writings from Lori's class last week from the Writing Assignment highlighted above:

Connor

11/14/18

Thanksgiving Writing

Who Ruined Thanksgiving?

Once upon a time at the first ever Thanksgiving, something or someone ruined Thanksgiving. Everyone was running around so very excited for Thanksgiving. All of the boys and girls were waiting for that night and for Thanksgiving to come. Everyone was hungry because they all had to save their food so they could put it on the table.  Once it was time for them to eat, a little boy was the first person at the table, but little did they know that an owl was in the trees listening to every word they said. The owl heard them say, "Our main meal is turkey!" 

Then the owl went to the turkeys and he said, “Everyone hide! I heard the Pilgrims and the Indians say that their main meal is turkey.”  All of the turkeys ran around going crazy. Then the hunters came to kill the turkeys, but the turkeys were well hidden from the hunters.

“Come out come out wherever you are,”  the hunters said. 

When the hunters came back to the Indian tribe they all cried out, “Thanksgiving is RUINED”! So they all had to eat the other foods they already had. 

They all thought that all hope was lost, but then a odd spherical object came from the sky with one and only one small slice of pizza. The chief ran up to the thing and took out the pizza. He loved it! He said to go back and bring more of the mysterious food so the rest of his tribe could eat. When they tried it they loved it so much. Then the chief told the mysterious thing to get all of the pizza it could hold so all the tribe could eat. 

After that first Thanksgiving no one ever had turkey for the rest of their lives. No one ever eats turkey now, but no one ever said that you couldn't have pizza for Thanksgiving. Then shortly after the little boy, owl, and turkeys all died at the same time. That is why any and all of the turkeys are still alive living free in the wild. Although just because the Indians had pizza for Thanksgiving, that doesn't mean that we (as in today's world) have to have pizza for Thanksgiving. 

 Aubrey

November 14, 2018

Thanksgiving Writing

UH OH!!

(Please note the work that Mrs. Despain has been doing with her students on how to properly insert quotations into a narrative.)

“ I want to go into the corn maze,” Owl hooted as he ran to his mom.

“ I’d rather you not, but if you really want to I guess you can,” mom said as she sighed.

They walked over to the corn maze together. Mom was not feeling too confident about letting Owl go into the corn maze by himself, but he really wanted to.

“Thank you so much mom!”Owl said excitedly. He was so excited that he was going to do something by himself for once.

He started walking into the corn maze, and eventually he was ready to come out.  He started to get worried because he could not find his way out! Owl started to yell for his mom but she could not hear him. Hours had passed and it was starting to get dark. He could hear his mom in the distance screaming for him.

“OWL” his mom yelled loudly. She started to walk into the corn maze. She got really worried that she would get lost too, so she asked a worker to come and help her find Owl.

Meanwhile, Owl was sound asleep on a stack of hay.  He got so tired that he just had to fall asleep knowing that he would probably have to have Thanksgiving in a corn maze. With no FOOD! No Mom, no family, no anyone, just him and the corn.

“Well I guess I can eat the corn,” he thought to himself.

After a couple hours of searching Mom knew that she had to find Owl. She was crying. She missed Owl, and Owl missed her too. Mom had confidence in herself, so she kept searching. 

It was getting late and mom saw a strange figure on a stack of hay. She was hesitant but she sauntered over to the strange dark figure. The figure turned over and Mom realized that it was Owl! 

“Owl?” Mom said quietly and softly. Owl knew the sound of his Mom's voice so he woke up. 

“Mom!” Owl shot up and hugged his mom so tight. She hugged him back. They were so excited to see each other.  

They tried to find their way out by going the way that they came in. They finally found their  way out, or so they thought. Mazes have a lot of twists and turns so you really have to think. They found a place to rest for the night, and slept there. When they got up in the morning they tried and tried to find their way out of the corn maze.

Eventually, they found an opening in the corn, they were so excited  to finally get out of the maze and find their way home. They were able to have a Thanksgiving after all!

“ Well now I don't have to eat hard corn after all!” said Owl.

Macy

11/14/18

Thanksgiving Writing

The Great Turkey!

“Gobble gobble, yeah right, who said that us turkeys just gobble?  Okay, it may sound like that to you but to us these gobbles are real meaningful words.”

This is Bob, yeah he’s a turkey, a very grumpy turkey.

“So just STOP PLEASE!! We don’t gobble, no I take that back, no please!”

Bob is obviously mad so just stop and listen. This ruckas has been going on for three weeks and Thanksgiving is tomorrow, so if you want something to eat I would cut it out!

“And apparently we gobble! Who said?” Bob shouted at the dinner table that night.

His wife Bree stood up to protest, “Nature did, and if you don't like it then what sound would you want to make .... hmmm?”

“Well...humph!” Bob was stumped because, well he didn’t know what sound to make because he was so used to “his” noise. Bob stomped up the long staircase, “I hate Thanksgiving!!!” and slammed his bedroom door.

“Ohh when will he ever learn to control his issues? We were all born to gobble!” Bree exclaimed, worried for Bob.

Well what a great question! He won’t learn to control his issues. Why? You may ask, well one reason is because  Bob hates Thanksgiving.  Being thankful is one of his worst talents. Second, because he has to learn to be grateful and happy for what he’s got. That’s what it’s all about. Bree went to bed wondering how this would go over for tomorrow.

That night the two slept in different rooms, which is a good thing because something extraordinary happened that would have freaked Bree out.

“Bob,” the Great Turkey descended from the sky, “Bob you have made a horrible mistake.” Bob woke up and shrieked in horror, the Great Turkey boomed, “Calm down, you need to fix it.” 

“Fix what?”   “You need to show kindness and gratitude to your wife and surroundings.”  “Okay, how?” Bob questioned.

“Tomorrow when Thanksgiving comes show 5 acts of kindness.”

“Ugh okay.” Bob groaned and went to bed. He lay there feeling anxious for the morning to come. For once he was looking forward to kindness!!

“Tweet tweet!” the blue birds sang their happy tunes, sitting outside on a thin gray branch.

Bob woke up to the most scrumptious smell, the surprise breakfast his wife had been gobbling, I mean talking about, all week was waiting for him on the table.

He put on his soft, red velvet robe he got last christmas and ran down stairs.

“Good morning Bob, here is your favorite breakfast!”

“Thanks honey,” Bob said as his stomach growled it was scones with jam.

“Wow how kind! What happened to you overnight!?”

Kindness! He had forgotten all  that he had to do but since he just said “Thank you,” he could check the first one off the list.

“Oh you know I just thought that maybe…” his voice trailed off. He didn’t want to make Bree think he was making this up so he just said “Oh nothing.”

Bree looked confused, “Okay… well you better go get the veggies for dinner tonight!”

 With that Bob ran up stairs and then five minutes later he was down and ready for the day. He got his keys, kissed Bree on the cheek, and headed to the car. And yes, they have cars. Everything we have, they have.

“Only four to go!” Bob thought in joy. But they needed to be big and meaningful. He had an idea, to help someone at the store.

“ERR,” he parked his car and walked to the store. “BOOM!!,” Ms. Cunningham had dropped her apples all over the floor. Bob knew this was his chance to shine. He rushed over to her and started to pick up the apples.

“Oh thank you so much kind sir, I don’t know what happened.”

“You're welcome,” Bob said with pride. Three to go.

He walked down to town  to do some good after shopping. He saw two kids who couldn’t reach the shelf, and helped them.

“Oh what a day,” Bob said after returning home. He started making the stuffing while his wife cooked the rolls.

And they all lived happily ever after!!

Leilani

11/14/2018

Writing poem

Thanksgiving 2018

I think of sunshine, clear and bright.

I think of stars twinkling at night.

I think of friends, family, and more... 

I have so much to be thankful for 

Here's a turkey  made with care 

To show my love with all who share

Special Thanksgiving Day with me!

LeiLani

11/14/2018

Thanksgiving Writing

Thankful for Being Here

Hot cocoa

A warm heart

New hearts

Kind people

Snow days

Giving

I am thankful

Vegetables - nice and cooked 

I care

Nice turkey

Good people

Jonas, the Turkey

11/14/18

Thanksgiving Writing

  Don't Eat a Turkey for Thanksgiving!

Dear Two Legged Creatures,

I am a turkey, and I don't think anyone should eat turkey this Thanksgiving. The first reason is that it is killing us. Do you guys really want us to become extinct?  I know we probably taste really good but do something good for once. Plus, if you keep killing us then later in life your future children aren't going to be able to taste us, so save it for them. 

The second reason why you shouldn't have us for dinner is because it is difficult for you to cook us. If you don't cook us all the way through then you might be poisoning your guests. If you poison your guests then you’re not going to have a lot of friends. 

The third reason why you shouldn't have a turkey is that there are good substitutes. Did you know that there are vegan roasts that look and smell similar to real turkey. One of the turkey owners dropped a piece and it was really good. I would rather eat it than my regular food in the farm.

I think that every single turkey in the world would agree that  we all dread this day. It is so sad watching them get ready for the day, the slaughter day. What I'm trying to say is do not buy a turkey this Thanksgiving.

Sincerely,

Jonas the Turkey.

PS - My owners are pretty mean.

It is so heart-warming to see our children's writing skills blossom over the years.  Teaching them the precision and skills of the process while keeping their voices and individuality shining through is the the true craft of a gifted teacher - thank you, Mrs. Despain for your continued work with our children as they grow and learn about this beautiful world of ours.

I know that this Thanksgiving, I have much to be thankful for - my family, friends, and all who are traveling through this life with me!

* Greater Good Magazine - 2009